p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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