I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your tits are I can't wait for
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
