Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
