i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
