Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She bit a glass in half.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
