We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
