Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
