C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just high enough for therapy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
