According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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