for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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