Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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