dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
