I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
