There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
