I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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