Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
