I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
