we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
