I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
