How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
