take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize