SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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