i think i scared a bird with my dick
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Actions speak louder than pants.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
