question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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