i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
