Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
