His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
