Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
