I need help removing her.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
