Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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