READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
