I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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