I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
