Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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