Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
