He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
