we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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