she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
