Don't make out with my wife yet
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
