I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
