My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
