why didn't you poke me back
oh god the rape fog is back!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
