I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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