brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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