she was so not down for the gang bang
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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