Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
