I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
