I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
