If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
