My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
