Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
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just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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