last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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