There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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