So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my shit smells like andre
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
