There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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