No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
