Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
