i think i have herpe
just one?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
