i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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