She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
