I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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