my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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