Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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