Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
