just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
