My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
