No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
