sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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