Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
