Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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