A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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