Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
