Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
