things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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