how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
