Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
