I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize