Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
