maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this boner is exhausting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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