After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
