Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
