the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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