Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
